Introduction

Hi.

My name is Courtney. I am a mommy of two little boys and wife to one really big boy that all wear me the fuck out. But I love them more that Kim Kardashian loves black men. I live in a beautiful home in a suburb 30 min south of downtown Kansas City. That's Kansas City, MISSOURI. Yes, Missouri. I'm a used-to-be triathlete, swimmer, runner, and figure competitor that now relives glory days via flashbacks while doing Husband Dearest's ironing.

My oldest son E2 races BMX and motocross while my youngest, E3, chases after one of our three damn dogs. They are a giant oaf of a Cane Corso (Italian Mastiff), a deaf as Helen Keller Pit Bull, and a stupid as fuck French Bulldog.

I like to use colorful language and enjoy a giant glass of  $8 Cabernet.  I put bleu cheese on everything but I'm highly gag-sensitive to avocados. I could stand to lose more than a few pounds.

If I'm being serious I like to talk about how miraculous human birth is, how much I love breast feeding, how I think baby-wearing is amazing, and that all people need vaccinations.

I think Michelle Obama has a bad case of resting-bitch-face and that Barrack was a really good salesman. I voted for him the first time, and regret that like I regret learning about my low avocado tolerance. I am for the gays, pro-life, and okay with legal pot. I don't think many Muslims terrorists. I think most feminists are. Also, swans hate me.